Compassion as Protection: Practicing with Those Who Cause Harm

Kaira Jewel's February 2026 Newsletter

Feb 12, 2026

Dear friends,

Many of you have been sharing the questions that are most alive for you right now. One that came through clearly and powerfully was this: How do we practice compassion toward those who cause harm, especially when that harm is directed at us or our communities? This is not a philosophical question. It is lived, embodied, and raw. It touches our histories of oppression, our ancestral grief, and the very real dangers we face today, like the brutal harms of immigration overreach, with ICE operating in our cities in ways that terrorize communities and separate families; staggering and widening wealth inequality; the measurable decline in young peoples’ learning, attention, and well-being driven by digital culture; escalating wars; the unraveling of systems that have held much of the world in relative peace since World War II; and the erosion of democracy, accountability, and shared norms as we see an accelerating slide toward authoritarianism.

In the Plum Village tradition, we are taught that compassion is the best protection. This teaching does not ask us to be passive, naïve, or self-sacrificing. It asks us to be wise, embodied, and rooted in reality.

In the Fifth of the Five Earth Touchings, we recite:

“I open my heart and send forth my energy of love and understanding to everyone who has made me suffer… I know now that these people have themselves undergone a lot of suffering and that their hearts are overloaded with pain, anger, and hatred… I see their suffering and do not want to hold any feelings of hatred or anger in myself toward them.”

This practice does not deny harm. It does not excuse violence, abuse, or state-sanctioned brutality. It does not ask us to forget history or silence ourselves. Rather, it invites us to understand interbeing: when suffering is not met with care, it reproduces itself. People who harm others are often deeply cut off from their own bodies, emotions, and humanity. That disconnection spills outward.

At the same time, compassion does not mean staying in harm’s way. Wise compassion includes boundaries. We do not have to remain in abusive relationships. We do not have to keep engaging with people or systems that continue to harm us. There is a difference between compassion that liberates and a false form of kindness that avoids conflict, avoids setting boundaries, and enables harmful behavior in others to keep oneself comfortable, rather than acting out of true, wisdom-based love.

I have been learning and practicing this distinction in my own life. I was repeatedly trolled and verbally attacked on social media by someone who was offended by one of my posts and in which I spoke out against injustice. At first, I tried to engage by naming our common humanity and shared values, opening a door to dialogue. When that was not received and the attacks continued, I chose not to defend myself or escalate the conflict. I stepped back rather than feed the flames.

Weeks later, I reached out again, sharing information about an event I thought they might appreciate and that might encourage deeper understanding between us. While they appreciated the event, the verbal abuse resumed. I did not respond. I am still learning how to be skillful with this person. For now, compassion may mean distance, holding them in my heart with loving kindness without offering them more of my life force.

What I notice in myself in moments like this is more sadness than anger. I also know that my own goodness and worth is not touched by someone else’s distorted view of me. Trying to defend myself in their eyes is a losing battle. Compassion, in this case, means not wishing them ill, not hardening my heart, and not abandoning myself.

This is why compassion must begin with ourselves. When we understand our own suffering, we have more space and skill to respond to the suffering of others. Daily practices of self-compassion are not indulgent; they are essential. Waking up with a gatha (mindfulness poem), placing a hand on the heart, chanting the name of the Bodhisattva of Great Compassion, and sending compassion to ourselves and then extending outward, or recalling someone who loves us as we wake up can help us touch a sense of safety and care. When we are resourced, we are less likely to react from fear or exhaustion.

When compassion is embodied, it becomes protective. There are many stories of this. Vietnamese nuns and monks moving through war zones unharmed because they carried compassion rather than fear. Tibetan practitioners who survived years in Chinese labor camps later showed remarkable resilience and no signs of trauma. One elder Tibetan monk shared that the greatest danger he faced was not physical harm, but losing compassion for his captors. Black folks in the US who remained so creatively and wisely loving towards white supremacists that they were eventually converted to the cause of Black liberation. Or the powerful example of the monks from Fort Worth, Texas on the Walk for Peace to Washington D.C. these past 3 months, braving the extreme cold, walking 20 miles a day, hearts full of love and strength, inspiring us all to find deeper peace in our own daily lives.

Protection here is not magical; it is somatic. Compassion keeps us connected to our bodies, our breath, and our humanity.

At the root of much harm is disconnection from the body and from feeling. People can only oppress, brutalize, or kill others when they are cut off from themselves. As Resmaa Menakem teaches, when trauma is not healed, we “blow our trauma through other people’s bodies.” Others can only witness such harm in silence when they are disconnected from their own pain, grief and tenderness. James Baldwin named this truth clearly:

“One of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.”

When we begin to return to our bodies and allow ourselves to feel what has been unfelt, something shifts. We become more present. More human. Less reactive. Compassion becomes less of an idea and more of a lived protection.

This is why taking refuge in community matters so deeply. We are not meant to hold this alone. In community, we remember our shared humanity, our shared longing for safety and belonging, and our shared capacity to heal. Community helps us metabolize grief, anger, and fear so that they do not harden into hatred. It also reminds us that compassion does not mean tolerating harm. We can step away, seek protection, and still wish for transformation. We can say no and keep our hearts open.

So perhaps the question is not whether we can be compassionate toward those who cause harm, but how we can stay connected to ourselves while we try. Can we offer compassion without abandoning our boundaries? Can we tend to our own pain so it does not spill outward? Can we trust that refusing to react with hatred is itself a powerful act of resistance?

If you are feeling raw, weary, or unsure, know that you are not failing in your practice. This is the practice. Compassion grows slowly, especially in hard soil.

May we be gentle with ourselves. May we lean on community. And may our compassion, grounded in wisdom and care, be a source of protection for us and for all those we love.

With compassion and solidarity,

Kaira Jewel

*Precious canine friend, Aloka, who captured our hearts!*

Below is a full list of my upcoming events but here I want to highlight a few key ones, many coming up soon!:

Feb 12, tonight! 6:30-8:30pm ET Opening to Grief – Making Space for Love, Loss, and What We Carry in person and online at New York Insight
Feb 15, Online half day of mindfulness on Holding What Hurts: Caring for Strong Emotions in Times of Social Harm through Spirit Rock
May 24 - 29, I will offer an in person retreat Finding Refuge, Finding Home: A Retreat in Nature at Spirit Rock with Mark Coleman and Susie Harrington
June 20 - 24, And save the date to join me in person for our Annual Retreat for Black, Indigenous, People of Color at Garrison Institute with Dr. Marisela Gomez and Joe Reilly

More info on these below.

Upcoming retreats, day longs, and talks:

Saturday, February 15, 2:00 to 5 pm ET

Holding What Hurts: Caring for Strong Emotions in a Time of Social Harm

Saturday, February 21, 9:00 am to 3 pm ET

Holding Fear and Anger in Times of Social Harm: BIPOC Day of Mindfulness

In times of social harm, fear and anger can feel overwhelming or uncontainable. How do we meet these powerful emotions without being swept away by them? How do we stay rooted in our bodies and in community when the world feels unsteady?

Assisted by Jessica Angima.

In person at the Brooklyn Zen Center. Boundless Mind Temple is located in the Parish House of Christ Church Cobble Hill, next to 326 Clinton Street.

Here for more info and to register.

In person

Thursday, February 26, 1 pm ET

ICE, Empire, and Ancestral Memory

Across Minneapolis, communities are responding to ICE terror not only with protest, but with intimacy—relational networks rooted in land, lineage, and love. In this gathering, we listen to voices carrying Indigenous memory, Black freedom struggle, faith-based resistance, and poetic truth to understand how today’s organizing is part of an ancient pattern: defending beloved community/home from occupation.

Sponsored by Science and Nonduality (SAND) with Kaira Jewel Lingo, Lyla June and Rabbi Jessica Rosenberg of MN.

Link for registration is coming soon. Check this page and scroll down to the event.

Online

Saturday, February 28, 11 am - 12:30 pm ET

Dorothy Day and the Spirituality of Holy Disruption: Beloved Community for Engaged Spirituality February Gathering

With Kaira Jewel Lingo and Father Adam Bucko

We invite you to join us for our Saints of the Beloved Community series, featuring Robert Ellsberg in conversation about the life and witness of Dorothy Day. We’ll begin by screening an interview that Adam and Kaira Jewel recorded with Robert. Afterward, we will spend time journaling and then enter into conversation together, reflecting on how her wisdom might guide us in our own time.

Dorothy spent decades housing the homeless, choosing to live in voluntary simplicity, protesting unjust systems, advocating for nonviolence, and embodying the spirit of the Beatitudes.

More info here.

These gatherings will include guest teachers and conversations that draw from the lives and wisdom of the saints of the beloved community—those whose lives remind us that even in difficult and violent times, grounded-ness, courage, and a spacious vision are possible. Their witness helps us remember that oppression and cruelty never have the final word.

February 28, 11 am - 12:30 pm ET: Revisiting Robert Ellsberg’s talk on Dorothy Day from our 2025 series as many missed this talk. Registration required here.

March 28 11 am - 12:30 pm ET: gathering with Amita Schmidt author of Dipa Ma: The Life and Legacy of a Buddhist Master

Online.

Thursday, March 12, 6:30 to 8:30 pm ET

The Power of Play: Improvisation, Trust, and The Gift of Aimlessness

Sponsored by New York Insight Meditation Center Part of The Body Remembers Freedom Series with Kaira Jewel Lingo and Linds Roberts

In this session, we explore the power of play as a doorway into aimlessness, a freedom from striving, fixing, or achieving anything at all. Through gentle InterPlay and meditation practices, we let the body rest from effort and rediscover trust, spontaneity, and ease. When nothing is required of us, creativity naturally emerges, not as something we produce, but as something we allow.

This workshop is part of The Body Remembers Freedom, a monthly series that brings together meditation, dharma, and embodied practice in a way that is relational, grounded, and alive. Each session includes time for meditation and contemplation, a dharma talk or shared inquiry, and InterPlay, a playful and powerful practice using movement, voice, storytelling, and deep listening to access the wisdom of the body.

For more info and to register here.

In-person and online.

Thursday, April 9, 6:30 to 8:30 pm ET

Belonging to the Earth: Touching Interbeing and Our Place in the Whole

Sponsored by New York Insight Meditation Center Part of The Body Remembers Freedom Series with Kaira Jewel Lingo and Linds Roberts

This session explores what it means to belong to the Earth, rather than stand apart from it. Through InterPlay and meditation, we deepen our felt sense of interbeing and our relationship with the more-than-human world. We practice kincentric ways of being that invite humility, care, and a remembered place within the web of life.

For more info and to register here.

In-person and online.

Tuesday, April 14, 2 to 4 pm ET (program begins March 24)

Embodied Presence: A session of Kazu Haga’s course Fierce Vulnerability Kinship Lab.

Kaira Jewel is a guest speaker in this three-month journey to inspire collective action rooted in healing, emergence and deep care, focused on the book Fierce Vulnerability

For more info and to register here.

Online

Wednesday, April 15, 2 to 4 pm ET

Befriending Consciousness: Transforming the Mind from Within

Our thoughts and reactions arise from deep layers of consciousness shaped by habit, experience, and collective inheritance. This talk explores mind and store consciousness, and how befriending what lives within us allows seeds of understanding, compassion, and freedom to grow.

Join Kaira Jewel Lingo the guest speaker for monthly practice sponsored by The Lotus Institute

For more info and to register here.

Online

Thursday, April 30, 2 to 3:30 pm ET

Growing the Good, Cultivating Freedom

Tuesday, May 12, 7 to 8:30 pm ET

Hope and Joy Series

Antonique Smith sings “Here Comes the Sun” at Sun Day in NYC. photo by David Fenton

Kaira Jewel Lingo offers an evening of meditation, reflection and connection with Third Act.

Online

SAVE THE DATE.

May 24 - 29

Finding Refuge, Finding Home: A Retreat in Nature

Held at Spirit Rock with Kaira Jewel Lingo, Mark Coleman, and Susie Harrington

In the storms of our lives, we need refuge—a place of nourishment and support where we can replenish our tired bodies and troubled hearts. When the Buddha taught meditation, his first instruction was to go sit under a tree. We will practice together in the age-old tradition of being outside in the company of the natural world. Together, we will tap into the natural stillness and dynamism that surrounds us and teaches us balance. As we integrate stillness and movement, we move toward being active participants in the world while maintaining balance and ease in our hearts and minds.

This retreat is silent except for teacher-led Q&A, small groups, or other practice meetings.

For more info and to register here

In-person retreat

June 20 - 24

Annual Retreat for Black, Indigenous, People of Color

Held at Garrison Institute with Dr. Marisela Gomez, Kaira Jewel Lingo and Joe Reilly

In-person retreat.

SAVE THE DATE

June 24-30

Teen Retreat

Held at the Insight Meditation Society Retreat Center with Kaira Jewel Lingo, Cara Lai, Jean Esther, Anthony “T” Maes, nico hase, and movement with Monica Williams

The retreat is especially designed for young adults, aged 15-19 who, as of August 31, 2026, will be at least 15 years of age. The course offers 1/2 hour periods of sitting and walking meditation with ample instruction, along with two daily facilitated discussion groups. In addition there will be daily workshops offered in the field of meditative arts, music, nature as well as other focused topics pertinent to teens. Daily periods of free time for socializing or rest are also included. This retreat allows young adults to develop and value their natural spirituality within a supportive environment committed to inclusivity of all. Along with the teaching team, a group of trained and dedicated adult mentors will support the teens’ experience. Extensive supervision is provided.

More info and to register here.

In-person retreat.

Ongoing every Thursday at noon ET

Weekly BIPOC Meditation Sangha Online

We extend a warm invitation to Black/Indigenous/People of Color to join for an hour of meditation, teaching and sharing with Kaira Jewel Lingo and Marisela Gomez, and other guest teachers, who alternate teaching every Thursday from 12 - 1pm ET.

By donation. More info here and to register here.

Recent teachings:

Growing the Good, Moment by Moment

Watering plants with a watering can. — Photo by Benjamin White on Unsplash

Goodness does not appear all at once; it grows through small, intentional acts. In this Sangha Sunday, we explore how mindfulness helps us recognize and tend what is already wholesome within us, offering a preview of the practices and reflections that will be covered in the course Growing the Good.

Sangha Live recorded on January 11, 2026. View the recording here.

Educating for Interbeing

I was invited to speak on January 13, 2026, at the Middle Way School in West Saugerties, NY to their staff and/or parent community.

Good things I’m spreading the word about:

Ofosu Jones-Quartey upcoming Hip-Hop Soundbath: Mindfulness, Music, Connection & Meditation Retreat

Sponsored by the Insight Meditation Community of Washington (DC) at Seven Oaks Retreat Center March 6-8. Join meditation teacher, author, and hip-hop artist Ofosu Jones-Quartey (Born I) for Hip-Hop Soundbath: Mindfulness, Music, Connection — a one-of-a-kind retreat weaving together guided meditation, contemplative sound, and live lo-fi hip-hop performance.

Rooted in mindful awareness and creative expression, this immersive weekend invites participants to slow down, reconnect with themselves, and remember their inherent worth and belonging. Through accessible mindfulness teachings, restorative sound baths, and intentional musical experiences, we’ll explore how awareness and self-compassion can open the heart, ease the mind, and deepen community.
Learn more and register here